Fungal Punk (UK):
13 Reasons To Fuck - "A couple of lyrical tricks, many tuneful licks. That is how I see this marvellous CD only hindered somewhat by the over-sexualised verbal content. In argument against my own criticism though the band have their chosen style and thrust and grind with juiced up passion full of engorged rhythm and swollen spirit. These Horny Bitches don't just whimper and squeeze out a sample of sonic semen liable to fall onto barren punk rock ground thus failing to develop further. No, these 3 hectic whores spray the acoustic walls far and wide and really tear up the orthodox panties with savage fingers destined to inflame many a gig. It is a hungry screamfest that retains 'girlishness' albeit of the most sluttish kind. All isn't has it appears down in the crotch of this band so be warned - a shock or two is always in store for those who don't take the right aural protection ha, ha.
Telephone titillations come under the gaslight (Fanny by etc.) as '1-800 Tie Me Up' opens with a vulgar exchange of filth before a submissive maiden groans and moans in sexual satisfaction cum helplessness. This is all well and good but the following explosion hits all the sonic g-spots with gratifying artistry and if at this point you doubt the credibility of this outfit you are more than liable to be blown apart by this gushing punk rock shagfest. The power is admirable, the tightness of the application absorbing and the slick interchange between chords more than a little effective. The gob at the front provides oral duties with tonsil torturing efficiency and the song is, in all truth, a mighty fuckin' opener. Always the pessimist I expect this initial raping to be a one off but these worked up wonders are band at it again with the shit-stained swipe known as 'Scat Lovers'. The subject matter is excrementally appalling but looking over the tasteless lyrical turds the noise is ecstatic. The build up is slight before the cacophonous crapulence is spilled forth via a nutritious noise that stinks of nothing more than spirit and passion. You can't help but take to this and if punk is all about stretching boundaries and keeping ladies at the fore you should have no complaints here. Magnum opus!
I am being blown away at this point and am wondering how best to encapsulate this CD in one final sentence. No time to ponder though as 'Chicks With Dicks' prods its way into the accepting orifice (easy you dirty swines) and really gets one worked up with its spunked zest and fervent pumping drive. In unison these boisterous bitches pull it off with aplomb and another example of such a unified dominant delivery is sampled here. 3 massive songs with a simply sensational epic thrown forth next via the sobering un-sexed statement 'Your Ass Is A Storage Room'. This is an orgasm of pain, passion and no holds barred release with the femme-throats torn out and bared in pure naked aggression. The bottom bank is opened up and from it pour forth triumphant turds of tuneage and stinking coils of cacophonic crap all of which we should sit beneath and get well and truly soiled. A genuinely massive moment that is plastered and stained with a punk rage rarely tasted at this level. From this enthusiastic focus comes the most melodic song from the HB trio entitled 'Choke Me'. The overall mode may be tinkling and light but the lyrics are dark, deviant and deranged as a tale of needful abuse is had with beatings, rape and suffocation the order of the day. The fact that the true meaning of the song is disguised behind a rocking countenance of innocence generates further interest and shows that this group are more than a little adept at the chosen art of playing it cute now and again.
A foul belch from the pit of the gut and 'DP Story' double bangs home with fervent focus. The fast, blast turbo humps away with a grimacing grind and only a brief breather is given before the final spurt builds and explodes with desires drained. An on the level track for these lustful birds but 'Suck And Swallow' flies higher with scragged and shagged wings, pecking away as one falls into submission. It’s another quick shafting with the chorus rammed deeper with hard statemented thrusts. Once again the levels of intensity are impressive and if girls wanna play punk and shine this is the way to do it. Saying this though can be considered as a Fungal faux pas as 'Gag On This Porky Pig' swings in with a truly magnificent rockin' seduction of raping riffs that one can't help but give in to. The pace increases between these sensual moments and the blend is exact and double enhancing. The swine-tasting is over too soon for me and no sooner is the initial sonic sty opened then we are thrown aside to the squeals of a happily abused hog.
Deliberate and girly gritty 'Lick My Big Toe' is brats out of control. A real manic US sounding squirt that remains confused, used and I am sure abused. The HB ménage de trois look to flounder here yet keep their knickers hoisted up with grim determination and screeching sincerity. Perhaps my least favourite so far but still a song with strong spirit and uprising fervour. 'MILF' screws along with aging maturity. These sonic titties certainly don't sag and the band are obviously heated up big time and there seems no let up from the raucous assault. What is carrying this CD is a production that brings out the best of each component and yet still has enough nouse to make sure they remain as one entity. The 'Nympho Can't Say No' and I am sure neither can the listener at this point. A 'live' set must certainly take its toll and I am hoping the bruising noise created here can be replicated in the flesh. From the first harmful blasts to the rush piston-like ramrod incessancy through to the last explosions of grated gullet this is of such magnitude one wonders where the band can go from here. The sexual lyrics have limitations and the incredible outburst upheld here can only be maintained for so long without losing impact. Be careful dudes/dudettes there are many ears to fuck!
The sinister graveyard world of corpse passion is undertaken (literally) next as 'Necromaniac' proves that this crew will leave no deviant stone unturned. The bass crawls in, an owls drone and a scuttling beetle guitar settle in before the earth is removed and the flesh and bones of the song is exposed. Orthodox stuff and consistent with all that has gone before. Of course it is an upheaval of melodica that shakes the skeleton into cock and ball activity and as a stand alone snippet will cremate the aural passages of any one within ejaculating distance. Solid as a rock we close with the orgasmic cries and proud and loud simplicity of 'Lesbians Are Lesbians'. A naughty peephole number that will raise more than just the hairs on yer head. Right up until the last draining shudder that snakes up from the groin into a white heat explosion in the head these 3 rowdy rockers pull it off big time and this is one multiple pleasure the purchaser is surely not going to forget.
Overall this is a crude, lewd offering that bares all and in true punk fashion shakes and shocks. The album is a classical cut and taken on its own merits showcases what a great band can do given the right time and the right place when like all good bedroom incidents, everything comes together. I'd like to see The Horny Bitches progress from this though and throw away the pony and get a few more animals to perform tricks (if necessary with dicks) upon. The verdict is of success and if your rocks need getting off this is a bloody good place to start. One of the finest albums of the year it is destined to be and hopefully more of the same will seep our way from these randy upstarts!" --Fungal Punk